Kids grow up in all kinds of setups, advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith writes. You can be led by what your son wants to know, without one big reveal

• Read more Leading questions

I am estranged from my parents. I was once close to them but after having my son I could no longer justify their poor and hurtful behaviour and I made the difficult decision to cut contract with them. They always said they had no interest in having grandchildren and they have made it clear they want no relationship with my son. I am mostly at peace with my decision, as sad as it is, as I feel that protecting my child from them is an act of love.

What I struggle with is how I will explain this to my son as he gets older. He is five now, and doesn’t question their absence, but I know this might change. How do I say “my parents are cruel and self-centred people who have no interest in our lives” in a more palatable way and in a way that, most importantly, makes it clear that he is in no way to blame?